In the garden today caught myself thinking once again about my role at Atitia. Am I here to learn, or am I here to work and to produce something tangible. I know the two are not mutually exclusive, and that in fact we often learn much through out work, albeit in a less directed way. I think the dilemma arises over which portion, and when, I should focus most of my energy.
On one side of the coin I feel like I have so much to learn. How could I possible make any recommendation of how to change or improve agriculture on Mo'orea when I know so very little. My French is only passable, my Tahitian is nearly non-existent ,though improving, and I have never worked in agriculture (aside from backyard gardening). I feel like I would need to spend years here before I could possibly produce any significant piece of work.
At the same time I think that it's possible that this feeling is just me being stuck in my role as a student. Frightened to venture beyond my comfort zone, I feel safe within the familiar student role. As a student you are rarely to blame for failure, and if you are, you just say, "Hey, come on, I'm learning here", and all is forgiven. As a student it is very easy to define the boundaries of your work, being that you are to learn is already written. Another problem with simply playing the role of the student while I'm here is that if I come here only to learn, one could argue that I would only be extracting resources from the community rather creating some benefit for it. Just think, what do Tahitians stand to gain by bolstering my educational career? Should I learn Tahitian, ethonobotany, and traditional farming practices so that I can go back to Berkeley and boast on my resume that I have this amazing field experience in Agriculture? Certainly not.
On the other side of the coin I know that, at the very least, I can, using nothing but my two hands, improve the gardens at Atiti'a. I could work from sun up to sun down, weeding, planting and digging in the soil, stand back and admire the fruits of my labor. However, then I must ask myself, "how lasing will this be"? The answer is, no very. In a tropical climate where the suns intensity is mixed with a constant onslaught of fresh water from the sky to create a perfect recipe of botanical growth, "land managment" seems like an almost laughable term. In fact, again, as a meanial labor worker, I am again falling into yet another comfort zone with many of the same problems as that of the student.
In short, I know that neither burying myself in literature nor breaking my back in the sun alone will due to reach the goals that I've set out for myself. In reality I know that I am currently capable of striking a balance that incorporates the strengths of both work and education. The problem arises when trying to decided where to draw the line between the two and then sticking to that plan instead of hiding behind what feels comfortable.
